Oh, Henry! Lookit those cheeks!!Nicole Kidman, are you taking notes? It was done her way, and on her terms. And it's a great picture - of his whole face. From close up, even. Besides, it's not like she needs the money to survive - Minnie was very well off before she became a star, and works only when she wants to. Must be nice.

Minnie has also held her head above the fray throughout her pregnancy. She chose to be a single mother, and likewise chose not to reveal her babydaddy's identity. He obviously had some good genes in there somewhere, because that little Henry Story is a gorgeous little boy.

Will Minnie ever unmask the mysterious man who made her a mom? She has been dropping some hints here and there, but she's obviously in no hurry. It kinda makes you wonder why, doesn't it? I hope it's just for privacy and not because she's got something to hide. I sure hope John Edwards wasn't in town. Or John McCain.

Only as old as you feelI'm just sayin'.

Sophia Loren is in fact 74 years old. She is amazing. She hardly ages, and swears she hasn't had any plastic surgery. Her beauty is classic, timeless. Even Fergie can't believe the tone of her curves. Sophia rules. Always has. Always will.

Fergie is only 33, but looks more like a contemporary of Loren than someone young enough to be her granddaughter. The culprits? Stacy's admitted hard-living past, which included an addiction to crystal meth, and her much-denied current addiction to plastic surgery. These two things turned a pretty young girl into a hopeless Butterface. Check it out here if you don't believe me. She's like Jocelyn Wildenstein.

The moral here, boys and girls? Eat right, be good to yourself and don't fix what ain't broke.

Ballpark franks or Filet mignon?This is not a case of "who wore it better?" This is a case of natural beauty versus unnatural compression. You know Mariah sent that stylist to the alligator pit over that one. She probably has the secret trap door set-up that Mr. Burns has on The Simpsons. Where do you think the rest of the towel holders, lip blotters and chin-wattle fanners go when they're banished? Seriously, you don't think she pays unemployment to all these people ... do you?

This week Mariah and Mother of the Chosen Ones, Angelina, appeared in the same dress (but at different events - you know Mariah wasn't invited to Angie's premiere). Mimi chose to pair her strapless dress with black tights - all the better to hide those thunder thighs, I guess - while Mama Angelina chose to bare her legs in her first post-partum public appearance.

Who do you think looks better? Well, I guess it depends on your taste. If you're a fan of shiny, overly-processed fast food with little nutritional value and questionable taste, then Mimi's for you. Hands down. If, however, you're a fan of all things healthy and natural, the warm glow of true contentment and joy, then the multiply-blessed mama is for you.

I'm off to the bathroom to do a few more lines!Duh. (No, she didn't really say that. She's afraid she'll have to share.)

Poor Ali. Brainwashed by a greedy mother into thinking she wanted to be famous, she strapped on that padded push-up bra and the kneepad leggings, learned how to apply make-up like a 40-year-old divorcee and hit the street. She really tried, but it's just not happenin'.

The momager was desperate. How could she continue to live in the extravagant style her older daughter once financed if this one washes out? That stupid reality show was over before she even paid off her ... outstanding debts. What to do? Simple. Make shit up.

White Oprah craftily planted a story with the tabloids about Johnny Wright wanting to help Ali become a star. Johnny works with the Jonas Brothers, Ciara and Justin Timberlake, to name a few. I guess she thought a little white lie would open doors. Dina thinks a little white changes everything. Trouble is, Wright doesn't. Not only did he not appreciate Dina dropping his name, he made it clear in no uncertain terms that he never has and never will want to talk to the Lohans. Way to go, Mom. Maybe you can get her another meeting with the porn producer.

How I Met Your MotherSlap-bet, goat in the bathroom, smurf penis. Let's go to the mall. These are all part of the brilliance that is How I Met Your Mother. It has just started its fourth season and hopefully with the new star power of Jason Segal and Neil Patrick Harris and let's face it, Britney Spears it will now have a solid following and just a small cult one. Sarah Chalke is still engaged Ted but I am pretty sure she is not going to be the mother. Eventually she will have to get back to that little show called Scrubs. Maybe Britney will come back but she is less of a mess this year so it wouldn't be as exciting. Now they did get a bit guest-star happy last season (James VanderBeek, Enrique Iglesias, Vanessa Minnilo) but that was mostly an attempt to get viewers. Hopefully they will back off a little this season before they go into total "Will & Grace" mode. It is on Monday nights on CBS so be sure to check it out.