Little Things Your Smile Reveals About Your Relationship
Your facial expressions are one of the most obvious ways to communicate how you feel to others. Your smile, in particular, is a double-edged sword, conveying both underlying and surface-level emotions during social interaction, according to a 2022 study published in Frontiers in Psychology. But not all smiles are the same. Paired up with varying vocal tones and body language, understanding the different smiles can reveal a lot about how you feel about your relationships — including your romantic partner.
Based on a 2009 study published in Motivation and Emotion, your smile can even predict the likelihood of divorce. In the study, researchers examined photos across the participants' childhood and early adult years to consider the degree or intensity of their captured smiles. Research revealed that those with more intense smiles were more likely to have a successful marriage and, therefore, less likely to divorce their partners in the future.
But, much like you can't judge a book by its cover, a smile can also be elusive. Some individuals might use their smile to conceal their true feelings. For instance, you might unconsciously flash a grin during uncomfortable or even fearful circumstances. Still, whether authentic or put-on, our smiles are distinctly human gestures that can reveal clues into the health of your relationships — if you know what to look for.
The Duchenne smile
Smiling with your eyes — commonly referred to as the Duchenne smile after 19th-century scientist Guillaume Duchenne — is considered the most authentic type of smile associated with human behavior. This facial expression communicates genuine happiness or enjoyment and occurs involuntarily in response to positive emotions. When you smile authentically, your cheeks and both corners of your lips lift simultaneously, and your teeth often show. Most importantly, your eyes also crinkle when you flash a Duchenne smile. When your eyes don't crinkle at the corners, this is a telltale sign that the smile isn't a true Duchenne. What's more, a Duchenne smile influences how others respond to you. A true Duchenne smile makes you appear trustworthy, sincere, and attractive.
In a relationship context, an individual who interacts with their significant other with a genuine smile enjoys their company, since this expression is a response to genuine happiness. While technically it is possible to fake a Duchenne smile, if a couple frequently shares open or goofy grins that aren't forced or strategic, it's likely that they feel comfortable with each other and have fun when spending time together.
The Mona Lisa
The enigmatic expression of the woman in Leonardo Da Vinci's "Mona Lisa" painting will forever intrigue the masses. In the painting, Da Vinci's muse sits with an ambiguous facial expression, including a subtle quirk of the lips and a tilted head. People tend to imitate a similar expression while flirting to communicate confidence and signal their interest in the other person, according to a 2020 study published in the Journal of Sex Research.
Studies indicate that this is a universally recognized female facial expression that men recognize as flirtation, even in the context of the famous painting itself. "One of the elements that makes the painting so unusual is that Leonardo depicted her caught in the midst of such a flirtatious smile, facing one way but glancing sideways at the object of her interest," psychologist Paul Ekman reveals (via The Berkshire Eagle). So if you notice a woman at the bar looking your way with this expression, it's time to make your move. Similarly, when your partner directs this flirtatious expression toward you, this is a clear sign they are attracted to you. On the other hand, if your partner approaches other people with the "Mona Lisa" smile or other flirtatious behavior, this can mean trouble for a struggling relationship. In cases where one or both partners begin to find other people attractive and act unfaithfully, even after discussing the issue, it may be time to end the relationship.
A contemptuous sneer
Repetitive arguments and a lack of trust breeds bitterness and resentment. Over time, if a couple does not address — or is unable to resolve — ongoing conflicts, this can lead to feelings of contempt. "Contempt is when you disregard your partner's feelings and treat them as someone who is not worthy of consideration," sex and relationship researcher Kristen Mark tells The Knot. "Mocking your partner, speaking to them with condescension, or using sarcasm for cruelty are all examples of contempt."
A couple in this scenario may find their true Duchenne smiles replaced with disdainful sneers, sometimes called "dominance smiles," per Healthline. When you or your partner look at each other with a contemptuous smile, your smile appears tight and one side of your mouth may lift higher than the other. This type of smile is typically accompanied by scoffing or rolling the eyes. According to psychologist John Gottman, who specializes in marriage and relationships, contempt is a major predictor of a failing partnership. If unaddressed, contempt can transform into disgust, hostility, and feelings of moral superiority that damage the relationship over time.
Strained smiles
Everyone has experience with strained or forced smiles. Perhaps you're a staunch supporter of the grin-and-bear-it mentality and plaster on a fake smile to help you manage difficult situations (cue Thanksgiving family dinner flashback). According to "The Encyclopedia of Body Language" by Alan Elengovan, many people wear a strained smile when pretending to feel comfortable in a social setting. For instance, if an individual feels distressed or overwhelmed, smiling helps project false confidence or positivity, making it easier to navigate the interaction. These ingenuine smiles, often accompanied by nervous laughter, help regulate negative emotions. They also serve as an appeasement behavior to cope with uncomfortable social interactions or to minimize potential conflict.
On the other hand, you don't always fake a smile during stressful situations. Sometimes, you might force a smile for innocent reasons, including posing for the camera, as staging a selfie smile can appear strained if you're not a fan of taking photos of yourself. That said, if you always wear a strained smile rather than a genuine smile when spending time with your partner, this gives off serious warning bells and could be a sign that your relationship isn't the one for you if associated with any relationship red flags. While the popular "fake it 'til you make it" aphorism does help reduce stress in some cases, per a 2012 study published in Psychological Science, no one should force themselves to remain in a relationship that makes them feel distressed, fearful, or uncomfortable.
Polite or dampened smiles
Cognitive psychologist Zara Ambadar explains that when we wear a polite, inauthentic, or dampened smile, "The cheeks will be raised but we pull the corners of the mouth downwards or press the lips together, like 'I shouldn't be smiling,'" (via the BBC). This type of smile is a stone's throw away from a strained smile, but we don't always use it when we feel uncomfortable. Instead, an individual might smile politely when communicating openness and cooperation or upholding social etiquette, which differs depending on cultural norms. For instance, in certain parts of the world, such as North America, it is considered rude not to smile when interacting with strangers. Conversely, in Russia and Norway, grinning at a stranger you pass on the street is not a cultural norm and is unlikely to be reciprocated.
While the occasional half-hearted smile doesn't say much about a relationship on its own, wearing a polite smile to mask your true feelings and prevent conflict may reveal poor communication skills. According to a 2018 study published in the Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, for instance, those with social anxiety tend to suppress negative expressions by mimicking a polite smile. For socially anxious or people-pleasing individuals, suppressing negative feelings and expressions avoids potential conflict or rejection. However, disingenuous or dishonest behavior may frustrate your partner and inhibit mutual trust. As such, if you frequently exchange dampened, strained, or contemptuous smiles, it's up to you to determine if your rocky relationship is worth saving.